You can relax. Governor Hochul has requested an additional $996m additional funding for the state ERAP program from the federal Treasury Department. Your ERAP request will be granted shortly.
Just kidding.
I have requested ERAP funding for my resident who owes $3,000 and received $877 in funding. Ditto, my resident who received $7,500 and then lost the taste for paying after she sampled free money. Same for the woman who received $3,500 and now crafts exquisite, subtly-layered excuses for not paying the remaining $1,500 that was not covered by ERAP. While I was at it, I asked for a guarantee of lot rent payments. I asked for a Mercedes Benz, a ranch in Montana, a forty-foot boat and a weekend with Allison Brie. So far, neither the ODTA nor the Treasury Department has granted any of my requests. I do not see why Hochul’s request should fare any differently from mine. She can ask the federal government for funds. She can ask them for the moon, or for a weekend with Allison Brie, but until the ODTA receives money from the Treasury, any discussion thereof is merely magical thinking.
If you log on to the ERAP website now, you are greeted by the following message:
Total requests for assistance exceed available federal funding for the Emergency Rental Assistance Program (ERAP). Therefore, as of November 14, 2021 at 10:00 p.m. new applications for ERAP are only being accepted in the two categories listed below. Funding is not guaranteed.
The two categories include applications from seven counties at the periphery of the state whose ERAP allocations have not yet been depleted and applications from households whose members earn between eighty and a hundred twenty percent of the area median income. Neither is relevant for the instant purpose.
I called the people at ODTA last week to check up on a few outstanding ERAP applications and my one LRAP application (LRAP, or the Landlord Rental Assistance Program, is the short-lived program for property owners with recalcitrant tenants. It allowed property owners whose non-paying tenants have bugged out or otherwise refuse to cooperate with the ERAP application process to apply for compensation for unpaid rent. It opened on October 7; the door slammed shut on November 21). The guy who answered the phone was named Edward. Edward couldn’t tell me much more than what I could read for myself on the website. But then, I asked him about the one application that doesn’t have any hair on it. It is for a couple who lives in my park in northern New York. He is a landscaper and she does some kind of pink-collar work. They just had a baby and times are tough. In early September, flush from my early ERAP victories, I suggested that they apply for ERAP. Three weeks ago, the ERAP people told me that their application had been approved and would be paid for shortly. When I asked this time, Edward told me, “We can’t give a timeline for payment, sir.”
-But – you guys told me you were going to pay it in a matter of days just last week!
-Sorry. We can not tell customers when payments will be made. Since funding is short, there is a chance that payment will be made, but we can not give you a likelihood of when or how much.
-So – that means that there is a possibility that applications will not be paid?
Law of excluded middle, motherfucker. Edward’s voice caught before he replied.
-Yes, that’s right.
-Enjoy the rest of your day, Edward.
-You too, sir.
So, we wait, like Vladimir, Estragon, Lucky and Pozzo. The traditional remedies have been taken away. Money judgements are not useful. Arguments that the policy justifications for the eviction moratorium are out of date fall on deaf ears. With luck, the federal government will air-drop us some funds to replenish the now-empty pot. Our state government is doing everything they can to make this happen. The governor is waving her handkerchief and sending up smoke signals! She has made a big white cross on the landing pad and dancing like the boys in Lord of the Flies! And Allison Brie has received my text! She has responded that she appreciates all the love her fans give and she will consider my offer! Surely better times are on the way.