[1] The author is indebted to Michael Perehinec for invaluable advice regarding the New York State Good Cause Eviction law. Any mistakes herein are solely the author’s.
The Founder and Legal recently travelled to Oregon to consult with the Oracle at Klamath. Getting off the plane at PDX, the Founder tried to catch the eye of a slim young blonde woman with a Celtic design tattooed to her forearm walking toward them and pulling a wheelie bag. ‘Hey, so this is what Maine is like’ he said in her direction. She did not acknowledge the remark and kept walking.
Legal did not like travelling with the boss, particularly when the boss acted like this. ‘Shit-for-brains, he thought to himself. ‘Don’t embarrass me any more than usual.’
‘It’s a good thing the guy from Portland, ME won the coin toss’, the Founder said. ‘Who the hell would want two Bostons?’
Legal scanned the airport shops. A bookstore sold thrillers and hardback books written by Ketanji Brown Jackson and Bill McKibben. Another sold state-branded swag. A restaurant advertised dishes made with locally-sourced, sustainably grown ingredients. ‘Where are the shroom shops’, he asked.
‘That’s Vancouver’, the Founder said. ‘They only have on-site psilocybin therapy here. You can’t buy the stuff and take it with you. Not legally, at least. And anyhow, we’re not here to do that.’
Before he could stop himself, Legal blurted out, ‘The fuck?’. He had agreed to miss his daughter’s piano recital and come to the west coast in the hopes of doing some inner travel. He pouted.
‘We’re here to consult the Oracle’, the Founder said. ‘She takes mushrooms. Quite a few, I understand. In fungo veritas’, she says.’
Legal regained control of his sycophant function. ‘The Latin gives her a marketing edge, I understand’, he said.
‘We don’t do that shit ourselves at Dirtlease.’
‘Do you believe what she says? I mean, she says some outrageous stuff.’
‘We are wrestling with the new Good Cause Eviction lease rider. I am ready to throw pasta against the wall.’
Legal tore a hole in the cover of a cup of Peet’s Coffee and sucked. ‘Can you believe this costs eight bucks’, he said.
‘Welcome to Portland.’
‘If George Orwell, Franz Kafka and Etgar Keret had a threeway and the baby wrote a law and the law required a lease rider, that rider would be the new Good Cause Eviction rider. It is truly and utterly fucked.’
‘That’s why we’re here.’
.
After they checked into the hotel and were sitting in front of two flights of locally-brewed craft beer, the Founder asked, ‘Do you know what Oregon is famous for?’
‘What’, Legal asked.
‘Craft beer, strip clubs and tater tots’, the Founder said.
‘And psilocybin’, Legal said.
‘Only since 2022’, the Founder said.
‘This beer is exceptional’, Legal said.
‘We are out of tater tots.’
‘Waitress!’
The restaurant was part dive bar, part greasy spoon. A row of diner-like booths sat along the wall across from the bar. A mirror and a bunch of bottles of cheap liquor lined the wall behind the bar. Above that were prices for a logger breakfast, eggs over, coffee and hash browns. When the Founder looked at himself in the mirror, he thought, I look really fucking old. The waitress was a stocky Native-looking woman who wore a string bikini bottom and not much of a top. The Founder thought he saw a picture of Rick and Morty tattooed to the side of her neck, but he could not see it well from where he sat.
‘You call me, honey’, she asked.
‘My friend wants a lap dance’, the Founder said.
‘No thanks’, Legal said.
‘It’s on the company’, the Founder said. ‘It is a deductible business expense! Let Dirtlease pay!’
Legal slid off his barstool and pointed himself toward the exit. ‘I’m going to hit the sack early’, he said. Have fun.’
‘OK, be like that’, the Founder said. ‘Be a boyscout. Measure your days in coffee spoons’.
The waitress wrapped herself around the Founder like a vine. She smelled of perfume, mouthwash and sweat. ‘I see you like Rick and Morty’, he said.
‘I love that show!’, the waitress said. ‘I watch it with my grandbaby! Sometimes, we do what those guys do!’
‘You have an ATM?’
‘Right over there’.
.
The road to the Oracle passed through wineries, apple orchards and some ramshackle tourist trap-type shops. A modular-type building advertised homemade honey. When they passed a sign for homemade beef jerky, Legal wanted to pull over. After that, the road began to climb, the pine trees became taller and greener, and the weather turned wet.
‘$4.15 for a gallon of gas’, the Founder said. ‘Greedy motherfuckers.’
‘Have I briefed you on the Good Cause Eviction law’, Legal asked. ‘We should prep before the meeting.’
‘You want me to drive?’, the Founder asked.
Legal remembered the last time the Founder had driven. ‘I’m good’, he said.
‘You told me that Good Cause Eviction doesn’t apply to manufactured housing parks in New York State’, the Founder said.
‘That’s correct.’
‘So – why are we here?’
‘Because owners of manufactured housing communities are required to provide notice of the Good Cause Eviction law in every lease provided to residents in their communities.’
‘But the Good Cause Eviction law does not apply to manufactured housing communities.’
‘Correct.’
‘So, we are required to provide notice to our residents of a law that does not apply to our residents?’
‘That’s right.’
‘What does the notice say?’
‘It says, ‘A new law has been passed. It does not apply to you. Ignore this rider.’’
‘That’s fucked.’
‘That’s why we are consulting the Oracle.’
.
An hour later, the Founder and Legal pulled off the road to void their bladders. As they stood next to each other looking over a sharp drop behind the guardrail, the Founder thought about the scene in Ulysses where Bloom and Daedalus stand next to each other to take a piss. He remembered a colleague from his public accounting days who would ask him questions about Section 1234A while he was standing at the urinal. I think about tax accounting for forward contracts better when I don’t have my dick in my hands, he would tell that colleague when that happened. He had sworn that he would never become that guy.
‘What is the cite for the Good Cause Eviction rider’, he asked Legal.
‘NY RPL 7-231-A’, Legal said.
‘And that’s just, like, the text of the rider’, the Founder asked.
‘It has a lot of wording that you need to include if the law does apply and you raise the rent or try to evict, but if the law does not apply, as is the case with manufactured housing, you just need to include the first section.’
‘And what happens if you don’t include it in leases?’
‘Nobody knows.’
‘What?’
‘Like I said, nobody knows.’
‘You mean the law that requires owners to include the rider gives neither the state nor the counterparty a remedy if an owner does not follow that law?’
‘That’s right.’
‘So the law creates a right but not a remedy?’
‘Yes.’
‘So – what do the parties do in a situation like that?’
Legal shook his hands three times and zipped up his fly. ‘That’s why we’re here’, he said. ‘We want to ask the Oracle.’
.
The line of people outside the gate to the Oracle reminded the Founder of people you see lining up to get their baggage at Orlando airport. A family from Saint Louis might look the same as a family from Atlanta or a family from Seattle. A father wearing gym shorts and a nylon muscle shirt, a heavy woman with a tattoo on her calf and another on her thigh, two bored-looking kids and a baby on the mother’s hip. This is the highlight of their year, the Founder would think. A trip to Disney Land. He thought he could use some bourbon.
‘Don’t they open at ten’, he asked a stocky man standing in front of him in line.
‘They open when they open’, the man said.
‘When is that’, he asked.
‘When the Oracle is ready’, the man said.
The Founder had seen pictures of the seat of the Oracle on Google. In them, a woman with tattoos on her arms, shoulders and collar bones stood hooded underneath and to the side of a high waterfall. The rock on which she stood was wet and the scene was framed by tall conifers. Behind the flow of water was a cave where it looked like the Oracle hung out when she was not dispensing wisdom. The current scene of a parking lot, a chain-linked fence and a line of people smoking cigarettes and dipping Zyn looked quite different.
‘Fucking west coast time’, the Founder said, and shifted his weight from one leg to another.
‘Tell me about the Good Cause Eviction law’, the Founder said. He was too angry to look at his watch or his phone, but the sun felt like it was one o’clock or later.
‘It doesn’t apply to manufactured housing’, Legal said.
‘I am hungry, bored and cranky and we have time. Tell me anyhow.’
Legal hawked and spat, a long parabola of thick stuff that flew past the edge of the parking lot. That was something new, the Founder thought. Legal was usually mild-mannered please-and-thank-you, like most lawyers. He wasn’t a wild man, like Marketing, or a visionary like Economics. Maybe the wait was getting to him, too.
‘It was put into the budget bill for 2024 and came into effect on 4/20, 2024’, Legal said
‘Interesting effective date’, the Founder said.
‘Proposals had been made during the previous two legislative sessions, but this was the first time tenant advocates in Albany got it through. It’s buried deep in the budget bill. I believe the relevant section of the Senate bill is Section HH’.
‘What is the bill cite?’
‘The Senate bill is S. 8306-C and the Assembly bill is A. 8806-C.’
‘What part of the codified law does it amend?’
‘The substantive sections are incorporated in RPL 6-A. The rider is at RPL 7 321-C.’
‘Anything else noteworthy about the bill?’
‘It sunsets in 2034. If the legislature does nothing about it between now and ten years from now, it will disappear.’
‘You mean, it will go ‘poof’?’
‘Yup.’
‘So if we don’t include the rider in our leases and nothing happens in the next ten years, this will all be a blip?’
‘Yes.’
‘What are the chances of that?’
‘Ask the Oracle.’
‘Why would a legislature sunset a provision like this? Aren’t sunsets usually linked to revenue projections? This is not a revenue provision. It is a screw-the-landlords provision. What is the policy reason for this?’
Legal’s nasolabial folds tightened in a way the Founder had never seen them tighten. Does he think I am a dipshit, he thought. So what if he does. I am comfortable with that. If he doesn’t like it, he can found his own damn manufactured housing empire.
‘Ask the Oracle’, Legal said. ‘That would be another good question for her.’
.
At five o’clock, the Founder said, ‘But – didn’t the manufactured housing industry in New York have its own version of Good Cause Eviction when the Nakba law was passed in 2019?’
‘Yes.’
‘What did the Nakba law do?’
‘It limited rent increases to three percent as of right or six percent in the case of increased operating costs or capital expenditures, and it limited owners’ right to evict residents.’
‘How so?’
‘Prior to 2019, an owner could evict a resident in a so-called holdover eviction. That is when, at the end of a lease term, the owner says, ‘Your lease is up. I want my property back’, without specifying a reason. Under the Nakba law, owners had to state a specific cause of action, such as nonpayment of lot rent, breach of lease provisions, commission of a crime or interference with neighbors’ right to peaceful enjoyment of their property, to evict.’
‘So, that’s what ‘Good Cause’ means? A landowner has to have good cause to evict a resident? He can’t just say, ‘Lease is up. Get out’?’
‘Correct. The Good Cause Eviction law is not peculiar to New York. Good cause eviction bills are in several other local and state legislatures now.’
‘What does the New York law do?’
Before Legal could answer, a stocky man with a long beard, wrap-around shades and a blind-man’s cane opened the gate, whacked the cane against the hours-of-operation sign hard enough to get everyone’s attention and said, ‘The Oracle Will Not See Any Clients Today’. When the Founder craned his head, he could see over the bald scalp of the guy in front of him to a small sliver of open space between the gateposts. There, he thought he could see five or six degrees of waterfall.
‘When can we see the Oracle’, an older woman near the front of the line said.
‘Come Back Tomorrow’, the messenger said.
‘What are we supposed to do tonight’, the woman asked.
‘I just work here’, the blind guy said. The Founder thought it was strange that he did not look at the woman while he spoke but that was the way blind guys did, he thought. ‘What you do outside the gates is not my business.’
.
‘I wish we had gotten some of that beef jerky’, Legal said. They had configured the rental car to sleep both of them. Instead of dividing the space laterally, they had rolled the front seats as far back as they could and reclined the seat backs. Since Legal was the driver, he had the seat in which the steering column dug into his thighs.
‘What time is it’, the Founder asked.
‘Nine thirty’, Legal said.
‘Fuck’, the Founder said. Time passed quickly when you were getting a lap dance and slowly when you were trying to sleep in a car. ‘It’s going to be a long night. Did you fart?
‘No.’
‘I know that the New York Good Cause Eviction law does not apply to manufactured homes, but what does it do?’
‘It automatically applies within the City of New York. It can be adopted by upstate municipalities.’
‘And it does not apply to manufactured housing communities regardless of where they are?’
‘Correct.’
‘How many manufactured housing communities are there in New York City?’
‘One, on Staten Island.’
‘So, manufactured housing is doubly excluded?’
‘Yup.’
‘What else?’
‘The effective provision is RPL 6-A 215. Under that rule, a property owner can’t evict a resident ‘by exclusion from possession, by failure to renew any lease, or otherwise, remove any tenant from housing accommodations covered by section two hundred fourteen of this article except for good cause as defined in section two hundred sixteen of this article’’
‘How does Section RPL 6-A 216 define good cause?’
‘With cross references and turgid language.’
‘Gee, thanks.’
‘Under Section 216, a resident can be removed for (i) nonpayment of rent, provided the rent that is due and owing did not result from a rent increase which is unreasonable, (ii) the resident violates a substantial lease obligation and does not cure the violation within ten days or notice, (iii), the resident causes a nuisance or damages the housing unit, (iv) occupancy of the housing unit is in violation of a law that can be cured by the resident’s removal, so long as the violation is not caused by the owner, (v) the resident uses the housing unit for an illegal purpose, (vi) the resident unreasonably refuses to give the owner access to make necessary repairs or improvements, (vii) the owner seeks in good faith to recover possession of the unit for his or her personal use and occupancy, (viii) the owner seeks to demolish the unit, (ix) the owner seeks in good faith to withdraw the unit from the rental market, or (x) the resident fails to agree to reasonable changes to a lease, including increases in rent that are not unreasonable for these purposes.’
As Legal spoke, the Founder heard his own breathing become deep and even. He remembered that his wife told him that he snored when he slept on his back, and that she poked him sharply when that happened. He did not think that he really snored, because he never heard himself snore. She just makes shit up to bother him, he told himself when that happened. But now, for no more than a few seconds, he heard a noise like a chainsaw coming from his nose.
.
At three thirteen AM, the Founder poked Legal. ‘What’, Legal asked.
‘Look at the sky’, the Founder said. ‘It’s cleared up’.
In fact, it had cleared up. There were only a few cotton-ball clouds at one end of what they could see. The moon was almost full and the stars were so thick that they seemed to overlap.
‘There’s barely any man-made light here’, the Founder said. ‘What we gain from lightbulbs, we lose in celestial bodies. Take note, kid. You will not come this way again.’
‘I need to take a piss’, Legal said.
‘You want company?’
‘No.’
.
When the sun came up, everyone resumed their place in line. The Founder and Legal took their place behind the man with the bald head and the two pale kids. At the front of the line, the older woman who had spoken with the blind man refused an offer of a camp chair.
‘I wonder if the Oracle will show up today’, the Founder said.
‘You need a prophet to answer that question’, Legal said.
.
At eleven o’clock, the founder began to feel hungry. Legal, he noticed, did not betray much discomfort.
‘For purposes of the Good Faith Eviction law, what is an unreasonable rent increase’, the Founder asked.
‘It is a facts-and-circumstances test. Under RPL 6-A 216(a)(ii), a court can look at all relevant facts including property tax and other operating costs to determine if a rent increase is reasonable. That said, under RPL 6-A 216(a)(i), if a rent increase is greater than the local rent standard, that creates a rebuttable presumption that the increase is unreasonable. Under the same section, any rent increase equal to or less than the local rent standard is per se reasonable.’
‘What is the local rent standard?’
‘Under RPL 6-A 211(8), the local rent standard is a rent increase equal to the lesser of the infatuation index or ten percent.’
‘What is the infatuation index?’
‘Sorry – Inflation index. Under RPL 6-A 211(7), the inflation index is the consumer price index for all urban customers for the applicable region for the preceding calendar year, plus five percent.’
‘What is the CPI for the Middle Atlantic now?’
‘3.4%’
‘So the cap for apartment rent increases in New York is 8.4% of right?’
‘Yes.’
‘And infinitely more, upon demonstration of cause?’
‘Correct.’
‘But the rate cap for manufactured homes is 3% of right or 6% upon demonstration of cause? And the cap on apartment rent increases sunsets in 2034 but ours remains in effect until Judgment Day?’
‘Yup.’
‘We would be lucky to be subject to good Cause Eviction!’
Legal looked at a point to the left of the Founder’s head and struggled to find something to do with his hands.
‘Who the hell is our lobbyist and what has he been doing? Tell the bastard to get his thumb out of his ass!’
‘I will do what I can when we get home, sir’.
.
At three O’clock, the sun was too hot for it to be Oregon. The Founder looked at Legal and thought he looked drawn and a bit gaunt. Many more people had cued to see the Oracle; from where he stood, the Founder could not see the back of the line anymore.
‘You getting hungry’, the Founder asked.
‘Yup.’
‘You know, I don’t think we will get a straight answer from this woman anyhow. She will just say ‘A great company will go bankrupt’, or ‘Care for things that fall on me’. I think you told me that what she says is not admissible in court?’
‘That’s right’
‘Well, fuck it then. Let’s go to Vancouver.’
Legal’s eyes sparkled in a way the Founder had not seen since he interviewed him. ‘Really’, he said.
‘Yeah. You have been wanting to do mushrooms since we got off the plane.’
.
At PDX, the same young blonde woman they had seen when they arrived walked past the Founder and Legal on the way to the gate. ‘Hey, baby’, Legal said. ‘I loved Maine.’
‘This is Oregon, dumbass’, the woman said.
‘I dreamt about you’, Legal said.
The woman stopped, looked at him and pursed her lips. Legal thought he saw a speech bubble above her head that read stupid-ass uptight right-coast man.
‘Really’, he said. ‘Or, it was more lucid dreaming. I dreamt my father-in-law was a hobby horse. He was him, really, but just a two-dimensional cutout. Something about stripping away the self and the way I dealt with the consequent terror, I think, but I won’t bore you with that. He and everyone else lived on these railroad tracks that were suspended in the air like the railroad tracks that provided the scenarios that went to the bedroom doors in Monsters, Inc. You see that movie?’
‘No.’
‘Well, God knows how many hallucinogens went into making it. I tried to think about what it would have been like for my father-in-law when he was young. When it came time to mate, he chose you or you chose him, only you were this hobby-horse cutout and the house that you moved into with him was just a section of track suspended in the air. I guess you could say it was like an Amazon warehouse, only infinitely bigger and sitting on nothing at all.’
The Founder folded his arms and shifted from one leg to another. ‘Hey, Romeo’, he said. ‘The flight is boarding.’
‘Come back’, the blonde woman said. ’We love your psilocybin dollars’.
‘Maybe I will’, Legal said. ‘Maybe I fucking will.’