‘The Comptroller calls me ‘Tempura’’, the Founder said. He was sitting behind his desk with his hands underneath the keyboard shelf. A large bruise extended from the bridge of his nose to the crow’s feet on his right eye. ‘Why is that’, AP asked. ‘She likes me lightly battered.’ AP threw a side-glance at Operations. …
The Founder had his feet on the desk and was describing a journey he had recently taken to Legal. ‘The soundtrack is essential’, he said. ‘It guides the experience.’ A commotion broke out on the trading floor. The Baker Brothers, it appeared, had begun to trim their portfolio. They were selling off their smaller parks …
When Legal came into the office, the Founder had his feet on the desk and a grin on his face. ‘Looks like someone got some last night’, Legal said. ‘Look at this’, the Founder said. He crackled the papers of a high-brow tabloid read primarily by educated Jews on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. …
When the Founder showed up at the Dirtlease office wearing wrap around shades and a baseball cap pulled low over his face, people spoke. He exited the elevator, walked straight to his office, shut the door and turned his back on the floor without even grunting when his assistant asked him how he was. The …
At Dirtlease headquarters, the morning of June 27th was clear and sunny, with the smell of New Jersey in the air. In the break room, the bean bag chairs were occupied, the red lights were at their dimmest, and someone had taken all the fidget spinners from the bucket near the door. Sharp objects and …
When the thing happened, the Founder and Legal were drinking in a bar in northern New York called Media Res. The Founder was telling Legal about Mickey Mouse’s divorce. ‘So the judge says, ‘You say that your wife is crazy?’’ As he spoke, the Founder smirked. ‘’That is not what I said’, Mickey says’, the …
The Founder recently signed up for ketamine therapy. After the doctor administered the medication, handed the Founder a weighted eye-mask and put on some new-age music, he noticed that the doctor had a scowl, a strong nose, and a closely-trimmed beard. In his hand, the doctor held a cigar that he swore was really, truly …
When Dirtlease first bought its parks, the Founder would post long essays about galvanized water pipe and Orangeburg septic pipe. Galvanized pipe rusts and corrodes. Orangeburg, which is tar-infused cardboard, collapses. The posts were meditations on entropy, memory, perception, and the hidden nature of things. The way materials would degrade was a proxy for the …
Dirtlease recently called an all-hands meeting to discuss issues of diversity, equity and inclusion in our company. The meeting was precipitated by the delivery of a report by a team of outside consultants which said that dumbasses are over-represented on our staff. It is not that dumbasses don’t suffer or have their stories to tell, …
. Last week, I went up to the park to see the eclipse. I avoided the viewing event put on by the town in the local park. Instead, I observed it from a hunting platform a resident has set up on the undeveloped land behind the park. On the way up to the back lot, …