The Founder had his feet on the desk and was describing a journey he had recently taken to Legal. ‘The soundtrack is essential’, he said. ‘It guides the experience.’ A commotion broke out on the trading floor. The Baker Brothers, it appeared, had begun to trim their portfolio. They were selling off their smaller parks …
In a Walmart in northern New York, a youngish Black woman recently did a double-take when she saw the Founder. ‘O-My-God’, she said. ‘Hi’, the Founder said. ‘Are you –‘, she said. Her eyes were the size of saucers. The Founder was pleased to see how knowledge of Dirtlease had permeated the community. He always …
When Legal came into the Founder’s office after Labor Day, the Founder stood up to say ‘hi’, bent over the waste paper basket and hurled. Legal turned to leave the office. ‘It’s motion sickness’, the Founder said. ‘Did you go to another ayahuasca retreat’, Legal asked. ‘Could you close the blind, please?’ Legal reached into …
When Legal came into the office, the Founder had his feet on the desk and a grin on his face. ‘Looks like someone got some last night’, Legal said. ‘Look at this’, the Founder said. He crackled the papers of a high-brow tabloid read primarily by educated Jews on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. …
The Founder showed up to the Dirtlease offices on a Monday morning mosquito-bitten, emaciated and fevered. He took a cup of coffee and a thermos of green tea, walked to the corner office, closed the door, and collapsed on the couch. ‘Holy fuck’, Legal said. ‘That is Voodoo economics in action’, Economics said. ‘You don’t …
When the Founder showed up at the Dirtlease office wearing wrap around shades and a baseball cap pulled low over his face, people spoke. He exited the elevator, walked straight to his office, shut the door and turned his back on the floor without even grunting when his assistant asked him how he was. The …
The rich landowner’s daughter sat next to her father and smiled as the Founder ordered a Guiness for himself and the landowner, a limoncello for the landowner’s wife and a fizzy water for the daughter. The daughter had blond hair, greenish eyes and a strong jaw. She could be from Minnesota, the Founder thought. She …
When the Founder convened Dirtlease staff at a bunker in an undisclosed location recently, DEI protested that women had been underrepresented in the process of fortifying the walls. ‘Fuck off’, Operations explained. ‘The contract was awarded to the lowest bidder. Anyhow, I was drunk and the wench is dead’. ‘I am going to flee Gilead’, …
‘You remember the Meister Brau commercial where the agent tells the movie star that the studios aren’t calling back, the ex-wife has taken him to the cleaners, and the only luxury he can afford is Meister Brau’, the Founder asked Legal. He picked a large bottle of Taiwan Beer off the table and filled the …
Separated at Birth? Legal did not like the mandatory Wednesday poker games that the Founder instituted after the Bull requiring Dirtlease staff to return to the office went out. The faux swinging doors and tinny player piano music grated. He did not like the smug look on the Founder’s face or the way Marketing chattered …
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